We are one month in to 2024, and some peoples New Year goals have already begun to fizzle out. Why is that? Why is it so easy to fall back into our bad habits? Because our old, bad habits are meeting our needs. But are they really? If we really take a deep dive as to what our habits are fulfilling, we realize they are only meeting 1 or 2 of our needs.
Two pretty big examples of these habits would be binge watching tv/movies, or playing video games. Surface level there is absolutely nothing wrong with watching tv, or playing video games. Can be a really great way to destress, or take your mind off of a really stressful day at work. But when it becomes half of our day, or creeps into our bedtime hours, it can become a problem. Tony Robbins was just on a podcast discussing this exact thing and it was really an eye opening conversation for myself.
The discussion revolved around bad habits (excessive tv or video games, alcohol, smoking, fill in any bad habit in your life here) and replacing that habit with something like exercise. This could be weight lifting, yoga, running, anything that is difficult, or challenging for you. The goal is not stopping what you are doing, but replacing it with something that is going to be more fulfilling. There is some really interesting data behind what this does to the actual biochemistry in your brain when we replace a bad habit with something that ends up being more fulfilling. The simplest way to explain the reasoning is because the good habit like exercise is meeting more of your needs.
What does exercise do for you?
Does it make you feel good afterwards? Not always during, but absolutely after we are done, yes.
Is there variety when you exercise? Depending on if you are running outside, or if you are working with a personal trainer or someone who is programming specifically for you, absolutely.
Is there a sense of significance? Do you feel your body changing because of exercising? Sometimes it takes a little longer to get here, but we all start to feel more mobile, and maybe clothes begin to fit differently once the routine has been established and we are consistent, yes!
Do you feel more connected to your body/nature? 100%. Being aware of how your body feels or moves after exercising for a short period of time is an eye opening, and incredible experience. Working out or running outside is also an amazing way to feel more connected to your surroundings, and nature.
Do you feel like you are growing/getting better? Doing difficult things, especially ones you do not want to do, is one of the best ways to grow as an individual, and gain more resilience. When we implement a new habit like exercise, and we do it even when we do not want to, you become a better, kinder person!
Now on the flipside, what are our bad habits doing for us? Excessive TV or gaming into the later hours. What needs are being met?
Does it make you feel good afterwards? Yes. Certainly can release some chemicals in your brain that make you feel really good.
Is there variety? Once the game is played for hours and hours, or the series is over, variety fades.
Is there a sense of significance? Do you feel your body changing? You may feel significance initially because of how invested you are, but that quickly goes away. Body may change, but not in the way we would like it to!
Do you feel more connected to your body/nature? Absolutely not.
Do you feel like you are growing/getting better? May be getting better at a game, but there are no signs of growing, or getting better as a person from constant screens and dopamine hits! In fact, it is doing the opposite.
Tony Robbins takes a deep dive into this and explains why even though we only meet 1 or 2 needs, we revert back to old habits. And that is because of the chemistry of transformation.
There are 4 levels to our chemistry of transformation, and for a lot of people it becomes a constant cycle back to the beginning if we don’t act on the window of opportunity!
The 4 steps are:
Satiation - You are doing nothing wrong. BUT, doing the same thing over and over, every single day it starts to not feel as good. You get to a point where you look around and think to yourself ‘What can I do differently?’
Dissatisfaction - Now it’s not just not as good, now you're doing it and it no longer feels good.
Hit a threshold - Have you ever been in a relationship WAY too long? You knew it was wrong, it clearly is not serving either person, but it’s really hard to chance. There is also the fear of loneliness. You begin to think to yourself, ‘it was good in the past, it will be better in future’. BUT realize that it has ALWAYS been painful or not serving you, and it will not serve you in future! That threshold is when you start to change.
Insight- This is when you begin to have the realization, ‘it's not my partner, it's not my job. IT IS ME. I need to make a change. It is time to jump through the opening to uncertainty. What we don’t realize in this final step, is the window of uncertainty can be a very small window. The time to jump through the opening is RIGHT NOW. If we wait too long, that window begins to close, and we go right back to satiation and repeat the cycle all over again.
This is the reason New Year's Resolutions often do not work. We begin to realize what we are doing is not serving us. Then we realize that it is only meeting 1 or 2 of our needs. The threshold is hit, we realize we need to make a change. But the insight is rarely seen all the way through and we don’t jump through the window.
Do you want to make real change, and have 2024 be your absolute best year yet? Jump through the window (figuratively!). On the other side of the difficult conversations with yourself, as well as the difficult actions you must take is an entirely different person. And that person is someone you will be proud you have become. One you wish you would have become much sooner if you had only jumped through the window.