Stop Trying to Be Pefect, Start Being Present
There are certain times in your life where you hear something that resonates with you so intensely. Certain words, that when you least expect it, make you take a step back and look at how you are living your life. This happened to me the other day, while watching the show “Ridiculousness” with Rob Dyrdek (not here to be judged by you, it gets worse trust me).
Just your normal Sunday night, the kids were asleep, I had finished my tasks that needed to be done before I went to bed. To put this out there, I haven’t sat down and watched this show in like 3 years. But I turned the TV on, I saw there was a new episode on (didn’t even know it was still airing new episodes) and it featured Mod Sun. If you don’t know who that is, he is a singer songwriter who is actually super talented, but the dude looks like an absolute nut job. Tattoos everywhere, green mohawk, plays guitar, and drums really well. Wears the equivalent of Jenko jeans because you know, fashion.
I know nothing about the guy on a personal level, but he discussed his sobriety from drugs and alcohol and he has gone strong for over a year, and just seemed like an overall very happy guy. Clearly had some demons that he had worked through, and just seemed to be enjoying every bit of his life. Who wouldn’t be living their best life while on the couch of Ridiculousness though am I right?
But the reason I discuss this, is because in this episode he said two things that have not left my brain every second of every day since. I don’t exactly remember what they were talking about, but I’m pretty sure Rob Dyrdek was admiring how happy and just full of life Mod Sun is, and he started to discuss his sobriety and other things. The first thing he said that hit me was a quote that I’m pretty sure he cited incorrectly, but that isn’t the point! He said:
“When you share your sorrow, it is halved, but happiness when shared, is doubled.”
Mind. Blown.
Such a simple statement, but holy shit, super powerful. People (me, lol) like to think that certain traumas or issues in their lives aren’t a huge deal, or that they can tackle them head on, by themselves. It really is kind of ignorant to think that. No one needs to address issues in their lives alone, because that pain will linger and take much longer to heal. Have you ever had an issue, or something you were working through, and you expressed your feelings to a close friend, or someone you trust? The weight that gets lifted off your shoulders just by saying it out loud is enough to know that we need to talk to people about these things. Even if their advice on the topic is dog shit, it still feels good to be open and honest and say things out loud.
For instance in my own life, I have a hard time expressing emotions that come with sorrow, or sadness to anyone including my own wife. I like to bottle things deep, deep down and hope that they just don’t reappear later in life because, you know, I’m a man. (ONLY A JOKE) But what happened to me in my own personal life when it came to this was pretty profound. For those of you who do not know me personally, or the story of my son, it has been a pretty wild 12 months. My son was diagnosed with Kawasaki’s disease in June of 2020, and for those of you who do not know what that is, it is essentially inflammation in the coronary arteries that, in his case, led to multiple, massive aneurysms within those arteries. Here is a link that explains what took place, and what has gone on with my son and our journey for the past year:
The reason I bring that up is because it was the first time I really had let anyone know what it has been like behind hospital curtains, and what we have gone through throughout the process. People that do know my son, see him now and he looks completely fine, and for that we are truly blessed. But what it took to get there, and the road still left in front of us is nothing anyone could imagine going through. Not many people knew much about what we had to do, and what is still unknown for his future. That stuff can eat at you, and it ate at me, for almost a year. I don’t like opening up about personal things because they are just that, personal. But the amount of weight lifted off of my shoulders by even just writing it out in essentially journalized form felt almost meditative for me, and allowed me to take a step back and breathe for the first time in a while. That was my own experience with discussing my sorrow with not only someone, but with multiple people who could read it, process it, and even if no one wrote to me or said anything, it didn’t matter. The process itself was enough to work through some of the trauma in my own personal life.
With that being said, the same thing goes for the opposite end of the spectrum. I don’t have an issue with this, but I know a lot of people do (Amanda if you’re reading this, this is directed at you). When something happens to me that brings me immense joy, I have the problem of telling way too many people. But telling people about something that just brought me so much happiness makes me even more happy. Those endorphins that were released during the actual incident, are amplified and just stay deep, deep in my plums for a long time. People need to feel comfortable expressing their happiness, and their sadness or sorrow with people so they can feel that sense of either relief, or extend the feeling of joy.
As a personal trainer, we have the luxury of being involved on both sides of the coin for our clients. We are sometimes the only unbiased person (or at least only person that does not know the people involved in the story) that they can vent to. Sometimes people just need an ear, and that ear can be pretty critical in working through some shit. The beauty of having someone like a trainer to lend an ear for the difficult times, is that they can also be your ear for when you can express and share happiness in your life. Sharing sorrow, or joy with someone who you know won’t pass judgement on you is a really incredible thing, and needs to be talked about more for people going through anything on their own.
Having a community that feels can express themselves without judgement not only with their trainers, but their training partners in their groups makes a place like this really my dream facility. We need communication, especially right now after all that we have been through. A place where you can come in to get a great workout, get stronger, learn how to do some pretty cool things, but also a place where you can be yourself and discuss things that are going on in your personal life? Pretty awesome stuff. With all of that being said, a professional therapist is highly recommended for anyone, and if you have not spoken to a therapist before, you should give it a try.
Back to Mod Sun, and this episode of “Ridiculousness”.That first thing he said obviously resonated with me and it has been on my mind now for almost a week. But this next quote has been on my mind almost every second of every day. This is one that I think hits home for me not only in my work/fitness life, but my entire being. In my 31 years of life, never would I think I would be writing a blog, sharing some profound enlightened quotes from Mod Sun, but here we are. The quote goes:
“I’m not trying to be perfect, I’m trying to be present.”
BRUH.
Like I said before this one has been on my mind every second of every day since I heard it. For me personally, it has made me really reflect on what I do on a daily basis. I fall victim to trying to be perfect all of the time. Having everything planned out, being the perfect dad, not letting them watch TV for more than 30 minutes, eating healthy and getting everything prepped for the week perfectly, getting 8-9 hours of sleep, not watching TV an hour before bed, exercising at least 4 days a week, the list goes on. Looking at these things they really don’t seem that difficult to do on a daily basis. But there are days where nothing goes as planned, and in my life it’s as if these are all Dominos pieces and they are all falling one by one. By trying to be perfect, we get really hard on ourselves. And when one of these things doesn’t happen in my life, I know for damn sure about 3 more are going to fall apart as well. We need to realize that that is ok.
We aren’t meant to be perfect. Some days if you're a parent your kids are going to be so upset at something, or they didn’t nap that day, that nothing any parenting book you’ve read will work (especially when you’re on 3 hours of sleep). So you turn on Puppy Dog Pals at 4pm and let him watch TV for 4 hours while eating an entire bag of potato chips as you cry under the couch.
Meal prepping and planning enough water for each day, both incredible things to do to make sure your food is on point and you're getting adequate amounts of calories and whatever macros you are planning for. But you know what? On the third day of eating chicken, white rice, spinach and broccoli for lunch you may snap, leave work without telling anyone, and eat a Five Guys cheeseburger in the parking lot behind a dumpster. And you may feel like that dumpster after the fact (been there), but again THAT IS OK. Every day isn’t going to be perfect. Especially when it comes to nutrition. If you eat clean and track your food EVERY DAY I just assume you’re a psychopath who’s never truly lived.
We all need to realize that perfection is not the goal. But what is the goal is to always do your best. By always doing your best, you will remain present. If you are starting your exercise journey, setting goals is obviously a great way to keep yourself motivated. But don’t make them too far in advance. Things change, life happens, and what you thought a goal was 6 weeks ago may look different today. What I recommend, and have been doing myself, is making daily goals. Every morning I sit down with my coffee in hand, and jot down 4-5 daily goals. It could be as simple as go for a walk at lunch, or get outside and read. You may not get to all of your daily goals, and that is completely fine!! Again, perfection is not the goal. What the goal should be, is to complete certain tasks to the best of your abilities, and to remain present throughout. Working out, or going on a hike, or building something you’ve been meaning to work on mean nothing if you are just flying through just to get it done. Time goes by very fast, and what you do today could be a really incredible piece of your life if you take the time to live in it.
Life has an end game. There is no reason to rush to that point. Embrace each moment. Stop, look around, and enjoy the beauty of where you are at in life. The good, the bad, the ugly, embrace it all. Share experiences of all kinds with people you love, or with people that you have grown a bond with while working out with them. The destination is the journey, not the other way around my friends. Remember that, and be present! You deserve that.
Cory Comitale